Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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