Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
