Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
