The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we're making bets on your personal life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize