Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
