hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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