so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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