...so i touched it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
