I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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