I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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