I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Acid is not a monday night drug
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
