please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
