he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
