is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
