i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
