True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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