and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
