Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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