paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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