I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
