Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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