Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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