No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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