Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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