alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
