Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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