I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
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So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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