Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i've created a new STD.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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