I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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