just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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