if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
