Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
