Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
being pregnant is like rehab
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
