Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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