i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
