we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
