it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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