His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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