I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
