over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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