I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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