do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
