sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
