remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
