I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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