so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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