I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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