Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
