I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
