If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
