i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
