hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
