Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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