So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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