I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
