its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Bring me that man meat
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
