It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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