she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
