I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
