Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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