At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
