I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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