I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
