im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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