I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
