I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
